Daycare Nation

As usual, this post has been floating around in my head for weeks... let's hope it types out as good as it sounds in my head!


So, the title of this post is "Daycare Nation". Let me try to explain. To be clear, I would classify myself as approximately 25% feminist, 75% traditionalist. It is my belief that the feminist movement as a whole has been detrimental to American families. Granted, I do want to be treated equally as a human being with intelligence and skillful abilities (hence the 25%), but many of my God-given talents and responsibilities lay at home with my family. Since the 70's there has been a steady increase in the number of moms who work outside the home full-time. I personally see a correlation with this statistic and the rise of fast food consumption, obesity and divorce. At first, this was a choice; women wanted to prove that were just as smart and as capable as men (which of course we are) and they did prove it. But what happened was that all the other things women used to take care of regularly at home started being farmed out to strangers, such as the making of meals and the care of children. Combine that with the constant sense of rush and urgency that permeates our national culture and you can see the snowball effect that developed, and the strain this whole situation puts on marriages and families.

Now, here we are 40 years later trapped in the system. Ok, so maybe not trapped exactly, but that's certainly what it feels like to me. With all of the idiotic bills I racked up before I met my husband (read: credit cards and car loan), it made it so that Tim and I began our life together under a small mountain of debt. Therefore, I HAD to keep working. This is still the situation, even though luckily for the first time in years I have finally found a job that I actually enjoy going to, that doesn't feel like indentured servitude. But the debt is still there. We have talked a few times about me possibly quitting work in a couple years when we have a lot of debt paid off, and staying home with the kid(s). But then I think about how frustrated I get with Logan sometimes and I worry I would go crazy having to take care of him 24/7. Then again, I wouldn't be all tired and stressed from work every day when I pick him up, and I wouldn't be rushing to get some junky quick dinner on the table every night because I would have time to prepare a healthier variety of meals and do more planned, organized grocery shopping. Hmmm...

So this leads me back to the topic of Obesity. I know what you're thinking: even though I work I could find a way to eat healthier at dinnertime. Yes, you're probably right. But dinner isn't even the worst part of the working mother lifestyle. The real cornerstone is BREASTFEEDING. One of the main NECESSITIES of life that has taken a backseat to convenience. Formula is not "just like breastmilk," I don't care what the labels say. If you want your kid to grow up healthy, strong, and not overweight, they need to be breastfed. The use of formula and bottles kills all the natural instincts babies have to stop eating when they are full and to work for their food. And it distances the bond between mother and child. Not even to mention all the benefits the mom misses out on hormonally and otherwise. I know this from what I have read and heard from other mothers, and especially from my own experience with my son. Let me explain...

Within 24 hours of Logan being born his bilirubin(jaundice) levels were creeping up excessively and it was discovered that he was "Koom's positive" which is basically the opposite of RH disease... instead of my body wanting to get rid of him in the womb, his body wanted to get rid of anything having to do with ME after he was born. Therefore, Logan was admitted to the NICU, where he stayed for 5 days. He laid on a special light blanket and had two different special UV lights on top of him to keep his jaundice from getting out of control. And basically the only way to get the jaundice out of his little body was through the liver: i.e. he had to pee and poop it out. To that end, the doctor told the nurses to give Logan tiny bottles of similac formula, even if he had breastfed already, to make sure he was eating as much as possible and consequently excreting as much as possible. I had no idea the doctor ordered the nurses to do this and I was kind of shocked about it, but in the madness of it all, I just went along with it because I just wanted my baby to get well and come home. Thus began the rapid nosedive of mine and Logan's breastfeeding relationship.

Because I began pumping right away at 3 hour intervals instead of nursing my baby at 1-2 hour intervals, my milk supply did not come in very well at first. It seemed like I never had enough to feed Logan to make him full. Then, he would get frustrated because he was a voracious eater (do to being OVERFED in the NICU) plus he hated having to work hard for his food when he knew if he screamed enough he could get a bottle and things would be much easier. We struggled for about two weeks and then I had a mental breakdown and I couldn't do it anymore. So I began pumping round the clock and we gave Logan the pumped breastmilk via bottles until I absolutely gave out due to fatigue when he was 7 months old. I did the best I could with pumping in a stressful, unsupported work environment and keeping it up for 7 months, but it still makes me so angry. It shouldn't have been so hard and so complicated. Breastfeeding should be the natural way to do things. And I should have had more than 6 weeks after his birth (and so should all new mothers) in order to nurture that mother/child bonding and breastfeeding relationship. To this day, Logan still overeats constantly... I try to give him proper portions, but he whines and screams for more at almost every meal. Overeating the first 5 days of his life has followed him to 15 months old... and I am terrified of him continuing to be overweight his whole life because of it.

So back to my original topic... daycare nation. Many working moms try to pump like I did, but many of them give up much sooner. And I do understand why: It is easier to just send a bottle of formula with your child to daycare and mix one at night than have to go through all the trouble of pumping at work and storing the breastmilk properly and keeping up your supply and being the only one to get up in the middle of the night for months on end because you are THE food source. I get it. But in the long run, look what it is doing to our children and our society as a whole. We act like hiring strangers to take care of our children and feeding our them synthetic garbage is okay and normal, but it is not. Mothers being away from their tiny young children for more than 8 hours a day is NOT NORMAL. Obese children are not normal. Depressed, angry, stressed out parents who barely see their children for 2 or 3 waking hours per day should not be the norm for our nation's families.

BUT HOW DO WE BREAK OUT OF THE CYCLE? Do we sell most of our possessions and live in the cheapest crummy apartment we can find and go down from two cars to one? Will trading "busy stress" only be an exchange for "boredom stress" from being stuck around the house with the kids all the time with no money to do anything fun? Would I go crazy from no longer finding a sense of purpose and prosperity in my career? Am I a good enough mother to actually do well for my child by staying home? Could I even handle it? Could I be frugal enough to help my family survive on only one income??

I don't know. I don't know how to fix everything, but I am praying God will show me how to do what is best for my family, because right now I feel totally stuck in limbo. I am excited about my new job that is such a better environment for me, but I still feel guilty every single day when I rush Logan out the door and drop him off at daycare. I know the current system is broken, I have just got to figure out how to fix it. Will you help me??