Every time I log onto Facebook and Blogger I am reminded that I am not a supermom. I wantted to be. I always though I could be. But when the moment arrived and the necessity for me to continue to work full-time after becoming a mother really sunk in, my supermom vision shattered. It has continued downhill from there. I have friends who are supermoms and I read about them on all the mommy and baby websites and it causes me to continually question myself and my abilities as a mother.
Not sure what a supermom is? Let me fill you in:
She makes her own baby food
She uses cloth diapers
She stays at home
She rarely has a messy house and never a messy kitchen
She homeschools her kids
She makes scrapbooks of her children't cuteness
She only posts of how wonderful her children are, never about the stress and bad times (or does she have any??)
She sews and/or knits or is otherwise ridiculously crafty
She cuts coupons and gets amazing deals on groceries
She makes homecooked meals 90% of the time
So yeah, that should pretty much tell you everything I lack as a mother. All of that and a short temper too. What a mess.
But then I hear about kids like the one my coworker is fostering... Landon is 2.5 years old, doesn't talk, weighs less than 20 pounds due to being starved for most of his life, and he was repetedly beat up by his mom's boyfriend. It's despicable. "Well gosh, at least Logan has a much better life than that," I think. But does he have the best life possible? Does he have the best mother possible? Probably not. I feed him packaged dinners made by Gerber at least 3 times a week. I yell at him when he gets on my nerves for the 15th time in a row, which usually happens about twice a day. But I read to him every day and try to teach him new words and skills with everything we do... making dinner, taking a bath, playing with toys. I am always trying to expand his vocabulary and keep his busy, smart little mind amused. I try to make sure he always eats enough vegetables and drinks plenty of water, and limited juice. I sing to him before bed every night. I cuddle with him in the mornings, especially on the weekends. But our house is consistently a mess and the dishes are never done and clean laundry is always in a pile somwehere, never folded and put away like it should be. And I lose my mind every few weeks from never having any "mickie time" to myself without having to deal with Logan or be at work. I am still not totally "grown-up" when it comes to money and we have lots of debts to pay off, so Logan is growing up in a crappy apartment instead of a roomy house with a yard for him to play in... but I take him to the park almost every weekend to make sure he gets exercise and fresh air...
I don't know. I just feel like Logan deserves a supermom and he didn't get one. And I haven't been able to reconcile myself to that fact since he was born. And now, my husband and I are thinking aboout the possibility of baby #2. We don't want to wait too much longer, but then again, I am terrified. I am already exhausted all the time, stressed, busy, lose my temper too often... with a second baby in the mix, I might actually lose my mind! I am scared that I will go from a mother with a grade of B- or C to a D in an instant. And my husband will want to kill me too, bcecause I will be so insane. Not to mention how fat I am and the fear I won't be able to lose any weight before getting pregnant again... and dooming another baby to a life of obesity like me. I am so worried.
Are there any other "average moms" out there like me who are now on the other side of Baby #2 or #3 and can identify with how i am feeling right now? How did you get through it? It is easier the second time around? Or third? Did you do better than you though you would?
I guess right now I have just got to start setting aside more time for me and I have to start accomplishing my goals one baby step at a time. Eat healthier for dinner one night per week. Work on crafty baby memory things one hour every week. Refuse to buy one thing per week that impulse screams for me to grab. Count to ten and take deep breaths whenever Logan is getting on my last nerve, before I open my mouth to say something to him. I really hope I can improve on Mickie this year... my family deserves better...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
God specifically chose you to be Logan's mom. He did not choose you because you were to be a supermom. God chose you for Logan and Logan for you. You each have what the other needs in order to draw closer to God. You are meant to learn things from Logan, whom God has loaned to you, and Logan is to learn things from you. Your short temper will become less short as you continually ask God for help. He is always faithful, ALWAYS! Lean more on Him as you hold Logan's little hand in your hand and remember that he is not an tiny adult, but little boy that needs only your Unconditional Love and your guidance. I love you, always, Mom
ReplyDeleteYou are a great mother, Mickie. Stop selling yourself short! You are too hard on yourself. Dirty dishes just mean that your family is being fed. Who cares if your house isnt completely clean all of the time? Logan doesnt care, and neither would your family and friends.
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to see you in March!